Trudeau Grills Trump on Nibiru

President Trump and Justin Trudeau held a press conference on Tuesday, sparring over hotly debated topics such as whether the United States should stop bullying Russia and China and focus instead on the reemergence of ISIS freedom fighters in the Middle East. After the conference, the two leaders privately jousted on a far more important topic that has been ignored by both mainstream media and earthly governments for nearly 40 years—the looming Nibiru cataclysm.

According to a White House source with intimate details of the meeting, Trudeau pressed Trump for answers on how the United States planned to protect its population from micrometeorites that will inevitably  pelt the planet when it passes through Nibiru’s fiery twin tails sometime in early 2021.

When Trump replied that his scientific advisors had told him Nibiru was “make believe” and that no such object exists, Trudeau allegedly erupted in a fit of rage, calling Trump an “imbecile” and a “buffoon” for refusing to acknowledge the greatest threat to North America since the United States tried to conquer British Columbia during the War of 1812.

Trudeau insisted that he and Angela Merkel had indisputable proof that Nibiru was close to reaching perigee and would soon unleash untold climatological disasters upon the planet. He even blamed winter storm Ezekiel, which dumped over two feet of particularly dangerous snow over northern swaths of the United States, on Nibiru’s proximity to Earth.

“Trudeau was in an uproar. He bashed Trump. He said Trump is the only Western leader refusing to take seriously Nibiru. He said Trump’s flippant attitude forced him to sign Nibiru survival pacts with Emmanuel Macron and Boris Johnson, rather than his southern neighbor. Trump sat stoically silent and smirked until Trudeau finished his maniacal rant,” our source said.

Then, Trump struck back.

“What’s with you little people?” the president purportedly asked. “Last week you were blaming the weather on Fake News manmade climate change. This week it’s Fake News Nibiru. You clowns are worse than those Democrats trying to impeach me. Can’t you stick to one story.”

“Mr. President, it’s fashionable and convenient to blame Earth changes on manmade climate disruption. But Nibiru is the real problem,” Trudeau said.

Trudeau was relentless. He produced a diagram authored by the European Space Agency (ESA) that depicted Nibiru’s passage through the solar system. The graph referenced a “zero hour,” a time after which all humans still above ground would face certain extinction.

“How do I know that’s real?” Trump asked. “For all I know, that chart is as fake as the National Weather Service Map shown by the Fake News media. The one where they claimed I doctored it to show Hurricane Dorian would hit Alabama. Fake. Fake. Fake. My information is perfect. It’s perfect information.”

The meeting lasted all of fifteen minutes, with the president ejecting Trudeau from the Oval Office unceremoniously.

If all information is correct, the encounter drove another wedge in US-Canadian relations.

Our source said Trump’s doubts about Nibiru’s existence stem from statements made by Chief Scientific Advisor to the President Dr. Kelvin Drogmeir, who in September reassured Trump that while countless asteroids may one day endanger Earth, no rogue planet or miniature solar system will ever snuff out humanity.

Trump’s talk with Trudeau closely mirrors an October conversation he had with Italian President Sergio Mattarella. That conversation ended with Trump saying, “No Nibiru is coming. But the American economy is doing great. Really, really great.”